Have you ever felt compelled to do something - as if you needed to. It wouldnt be a life or death situation, but it would be so strong that you are sure that an opportunity would be missed if you didnt do it. I dont believe in regrets - only that opportunities come and go and there are reasons why we take them on or we dont.
As I have been evaluating what "I" really means, if anything, in the scheme of things I have only become more confused. I have finally been able to take in the experiences of SE Asia and share them. Unfortunately, it has only compelled me to want to go again. This time I know what to prepare for, expect to some extent and ways that I will be able to experience the culture and experiences to a greater extent. This time I could mentor, experience the spiritual side of things, understand the bigger picture.
I am not sure how I will do it, but if its meant for me to travel again...I will. I have to make some choices, we will see where they lead me.....
Peace ~ Ashley
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Tatooed Passport....anxiously waiting!
This weekend was the Tet Party at my former professors' home. I wasnt able to attend, which saddened me, but I am hopeful to see everyone soon. I keep thinking about SE Asia, not a day goes by that something doesnt remind me of the beautiful countries and experiences I encountered. It may be that I have completely changed my tastes in my home decor to that of my 'memorabilia' of the trip and the culture...which has also spread to my office at work. I suppose this is just my way of not letting go! My husband loves it - I wished he had been able to go with me!!
This brings me to the reason I am posting a new journal.....this time last year I was submitting my application for my passport. It arrived from the government blank, a clean slate of uncharted territory.....now its adorned with beautifully tatooed images of countries that accepted me, somewhat. I want to go back so badly this year. I suppose because of the fact that I now know what to expect, at least in terms of the culture, HUMIDITY, the smells, the stares, the smog, etc. I also know that each time I return, it will be a new and exciting experience.
I changed jobs about 5 months ago, so I know that I will not be able to travel this year - well I could, but only for two weeks at a time. Actually if I hadnt switched jobs I do not think my previous employer would have allowed me to go either. Its on my mind - I suppose the trip was addicting. I feel a travel bug creeping up....what a person would do to travel?? Well, to let you know - my passport is ready and waiting. I have all my shots and would be ready to go....maybe next year?!?
Peace ~ Ashley
This brings me to the reason I am posting a new journal.....this time last year I was submitting my application for my passport. It arrived from the government blank, a clean slate of uncharted territory.....now its adorned with beautifully tatooed images of countries that accepted me, somewhat. I want to go back so badly this year. I suppose because of the fact that I now know what to expect, at least in terms of the culture, HUMIDITY, the smells, the stares, the smog, etc. I also know that each time I return, it will be a new and exciting experience.
I changed jobs about 5 months ago, so I know that I will not be able to travel this year - well I could, but only for two weeks at a time. Actually if I hadnt switched jobs I do not think my previous employer would have allowed me to go either. Its on my mind - I suppose the trip was addicting. I feel a travel bug creeping up....what a person would do to travel?? Well, to let you know - my passport is ready and waiting. I have all my shots and would be ready to go....maybe next year?!?
Peace ~ Ashley
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Giving Back......
The WVU group with whom I traveled with are forming a student group in order to give back in some way. Not only is the group putting together fundraisers, but they are seeking to give back to the communities and NGO's that we visited in so many other ways. If you are interested in getting involved, please let me or another student/professor know. Human trafficking is all too real and their are so many ways that we can help! I am proud to say that we didnt just take away from our travels! We made a huge impact by our presence while studying there and left behind tools for the people to use to better their organizations and practices. However, knowing that a few of us who traveled there will forever hold the people of Vietnam and Cambodia in our hearts and continue to want to give back.....is priceless.
Peace ~ Ashley
Peace ~ Ashley
Monday, August 20, 2007
It's Over?
It has been just a couple of days shy of two months home from South East Asia. I am not sure if anyone even reads this anymore....but I felt compelled to write. I write to you tonight before I lay my head down on my "last" day of summer. I received my grades from summer school, which are excellent, and realized I hadnt registered for my fall classes that start this week.
I have learned a lot this summer about the world, my environment and myself.
I talk about my trip when I can or when I think of it. I picked up Chinese the other day and talked with the lady who owns it. She asked if we needed utensils and my coworker asked if I wanted Chop Sticks. I said no, but the proprietor went on to tell us that she hadnt used chop sticks for about 10 years. She motioned how you would hold them in your hand and said they hurt! It was the most pleasant exchange of conversation I had since being back! I eat there a lot right now. It doesnt really taste of SE Asia, but it reminds me a little of our stytofoamed lunches that were catered to us in class in An Giang.
I took the day off today unexpectantly. I awoke at 6am and felt wonderful. The best I had felt in months. I told my husband that I was taking a ME day. Its the first day I took off without being sick.......the Giardia has continued to emerge only now I think its called post-travelers IBS. That compounded with an illness doesnt make for much productivity!! So, I wanted to read a book - enjoy the day - by myself. It was fantastic! I needed to know that I could enjoy myself and not have to be sick to have a day off, not just from work, but from life. Anyway, as I was taking in some much needed vitamin D, I noticed a lizard emerge from one of the slats in my back deck. It was beautiful! It was small and slender with the most vivid blue/turqoise tail I had ever seen. I kept waiting for it to chirp, much like the ones our hotel was covered in while we slept in Vietnam. The lizard didnt chirp, neither did the 2nd or 3rd one I saw. I was disappointed, yet smiled. No one else would know that some lizards chirp or that I would have a sudden craving for a huge pot of the Long Xuyen's special soup!
I dont know if anyone still reads this, but its ok. I know that the experience is over and done with in everyone's calendars......except mine. Everyday I am reminded of my experience and how I am forever changed by it. Every day is a new day.....its really not over.
Till next time,
Peace ~ Ash
I have learned a lot this summer about the world, my environment and myself.
I talk about my trip when I can or when I think of it. I picked up Chinese the other day and talked with the lady who owns it. She asked if we needed utensils and my coworker asked if I wanted Chop Sticks. I said no, but the proprietor went on to tell us that she hadnt used chop sticks for about 10 years. She motioned how you would hold them in your hand and said they hurt! It was the most pleasant exchange of conversation I had since being back! I eat there a lot right now. It doesnt really taste of SE Asia, but it reminds me a little of our stytofoamed lunches that were catered to us in class in An Giang.
I took the day off today unexpectantly. I awoke at 6am and felt wonderful. The best I had felt in months. I told my husband that I was taking a ME day. Its the first day I took off without being sick.......the Giardia has continued to emerge only now I think its called post-travelers IBS. That compounded with an illness doesnt make for much productivity!! So, I wanted to read a book - enjoy the day - by myself. It was fantastic! I needed to know that I could enjoy myself and not have to be sick to have a day off, not just from work, but from life. Anyway, as I was taking in some much needed vitamin D, I noticed a lizard emerge from one of the slats in my back deck. It was beautiful! It was small and slender with the most vivid blue/turqoise tail I had ever seen. I kept waiting for it to chirp, much like the ones our hotel was covered in while we slept in Vietnam. The lizard didnt chirp, neither did the 2nd or 3rd one I saw. I was disappointed, yet smiled. No one else would know that some lizards chirp or that I would have a sudden craving for a huge pot of the Long Xuyen's special soup!
I dont know if anyone still reads this, but its ok. I know that the experience is over and done with in everyone's calendars......except mine. Everyday I am reminded of my experience and how I am forever changed by it. Every day is a new day.....its really not over.
Till next time,
Peace ~ Ash
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Revenge of my Reaper - Gaining Closure!
My first week back was difficult, but the last few days have been harsh. Apparently, the Giardia in my system did not rid themselves in SE Asia. So, I have been fighting the stomach and GI issues all weekend and for the past couple of days. I can honestly say that this is the worst pain I have EVER felt in my entire life. I have attempted to not whine about my pain and act as if everything is fine, but all that has gotten me is a numerous outpouring of individuals willing to donate their supply of Imodium AD to me. As if I hadn't thought of that!!!! I am singing the praises of my professor, who is a nurse, as she continues to check in on me. I think she is the only one who knows the severity and pain associated with this lovely pet that is in my gut! THANK YOU SUSAN!!! I haven't totally lost faith in humanity, or shall I say the humanity that is of those who are closest in my life!
So, I guess people were right. Time is priceless in coming to terms with the end of an adventure. Time to think, to cope, to cry, to sleep and to heal. Time to visualize my new beginning and the light at the end of the tunnel. Time to focus on how to fit back into a place where I didn't quite fit in the first place.
You know what helps immensely? Connecting with those who were right there with me on the trip. Sharing inside jokes and anecdotes. Sharing pictures and stories and updates. Keeping in touch with the girls who we know as the V-Riders! Knowing that soon our emails will fade, the time between connecting with them will grow wider and that possibly the loss of contact with some of the wonderful people that we share memories with is inevitable. Understanding this is just as important as trying to gain closure to the experience that we just enjoyed and endured. All I can do is smile....no matter who doesn't get my inside jokes or who can not share in the simple joys of everyday miracles. Deep down I have this growth in my heart that I feel I share with many who traveled with me. We have that connection and it doesn't matter that others do not. That is what makes it special; it was our experience and I will forever smile knowing that. I love you guys - I miss you!!
So, I guess people were right. Time is priceless in coming to terms with the end of an adventure. Time to think, to cope, to cry, to sleep and to heal. Time to visualize my new beginning and the light at the end of the tunnel. Time to focus on how to fit back into a place where I didn't quite fit in the first place.
You know what helps immensely? Connecting with those who were right there with me on the trip. Sharing inside jokes and anecdotes. Sharing pictures and stories and updates. Keeping in touch with the girls who we know as the V-Riders! Knowing that soon our emails will fade, the time between connecting with them will grow wider and that possibly the loss of contact with some of the wonderful people that we share memories with is inevitable. Understanding this is just as important as trying to gain closure to the experience that we just enjoyed and endured. All I can do is smile....no matter who doesn't get my inside jokes or who can not share in the simple joys of everyday miracles. Deep down I have this growth in my heart that I feel I share with many who traveled with me. We have that connection and it doesn't matter that others do not. That is what makes it special; it was our experience and I will forever smile knowing that. I love you guys - I miss you!!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Back to Life - Back to Reality
Yes this 1989 hit from Soul Ii Soul has been playing through my head since the moment I walked into my home from my SouthEast Asian travels. Cheesy, yet appropriate.
It says it all. The song expresses what I cant. Not the most poetic of tunes, but it fits.
So we ran out of coffee creamer and I really really wanted coffee. I love STRONG coffee, so the FF milk in the fridge wouldnt cut it. Then it hit me: Vietnamese White Coffee. I looked in the cabinet and found a can of FF sweetened condensed milk. YES - IT IS AWESOME!! I didnt put nearly as much as I had in Ho Chi Minh and it was fat free as opposed to the full flavor variety of Vietnam.....but I am hooked.
Great Memories!
It says it all. The song expresses what I cant. Not the most poetic of tunes, but it fits.
So we ran out of coffee creamer and I really really wanted coffee. I love STRONG coffee, so the FF milk in the fridge wouldnt cut it. Then it hit me: Vietnamese White Coffee. I looked in the cabinet and found a can of FF sweetened condensed milk. YES - IT IS AWESOME!! I didnt put nearly as much as I had in Ho Chi Minh and it was fat free as opposed to the full flavor variety of Vietnam.....but I am hooked.
I returned to work this week. I should have taken the week off, because my mind still isnt where it should be to function fully in being back. I was able to take off the whole day on Wednesday. It was much needed, physically and mentally. I had a nice welcome and most everyone was interested and asking about my trip. I still dont really talk about it, unless someone asks. I know that some people had said that their friends get sick of hearing about their trip, so I have been so conscious of not talking that I dont feel as though I am getting to share much. People really arent interested, but I am attributing that to my philosophy on egocentrism. (Thanks for listening Annette!) Is there a support group out there??? :)
Instead of preparing so much for the shock of going on the trip as well as studying the Vietnamese/Cambodian cultures, I wish I would have had a bit more preparation of how to integrate myself back into my life here. I am chaulking all this up to learning experiences, but that is so cliche!
Great Memories!Saturday, June 16, 2007
Jet Lag - Reverse Culture Shock - Reality
Good morning, or evening or what time is it????
There are so many interesting stories, sights and updates that I would love to blog about, but I cant. I cant seem to be able to reintegrate and function back into my psuedo-perfect American life. Everyone warned me that I would come back a "different person." I just assumed that it would be better.....but how can being so uncomfortable around my personal "home" surroundings be better? First of all my sleeping patterns are messed up and to make matters worse, I have one day to fix them. I must paste myself back into the reality pages of my life. Off to work, off to school, off to home....then do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next....
I miss the traffic...yes the traffic!! People living their lives at all hours of the night. I am still doing it, why isnt everyone else?!? I miss the sounds, the smells, the smog. The lizards chirping, the 'happy birthday' song, the durian stench, the smell of fish stock hanging in the air. All of these things that made me feel nausiated the first day I stepped foot outside in Ho Chi Minh are what I am craving. Mostly I miss the guineness and selflessness of the people. No fronts, no persona's to hide, no ego's to match. Pure, good hearted, soulful people. They were strangers and still welcomed me as if we were long lost friends reunited.
Obviously this wasnt a vacation for me. There are things that I have yet to discuss in my blogs, journals , etc that I studied, pondered and am still processing. I didnt just peek into another world's culture, I experienced it and lived it. I learned a little more about who Ashley is and who she shall become. I am scared, I am excited and I am blessed -- but I am torn. My heart feels broken. I still need time to process things and yet I have no more time. I am angry, humbled and tired.
Basically, I have no idea why I just vented and poured my guts out if only it was in my reaction to reverse culture shock. I had no idea how hard it truly would be for me. I am craving the company of those who experienced it with me and hardly anyone else. They know: they lived, breathed and experienced it a lot like I did. I dont hate my life here or the people around me. I just cant express the oddity that is my emotional rollercoaster. I am reading, researching, and planning my next trip. This is helping some, but I suppose this is something that just needs to be worked out over time.
So maybe I should clarify "better person." Maybe it doesnt quite register on the outside, but it does in my heart. Its so easy to want to shut the gate, but the road is long and wide open. Things that once mattered - trivial. Things that were of no concern - passion. What an experience? When does it end? Do I want it to end?
Peace ~ Ash
There are so many interesting stories, sights and updates that I would love to blog about, but I cant. I cant seem to be able to reintegrate and function back into my psuedo-perfect American life. Everyone warned me that I would come back a "different person." I just assumed that it would be better.....but how can being so uncomfortable around my personal "home" surroundings be better? First of all my sleeping patterns are messed up and to make matters worse, I have one day to fix them. I must paste myself back into the reality pages of my life. Off to work, off to school, off to home....then do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next....
I miss the traffic...yes the traffic!! People living their lives at all hours of the night. I am still doing it, why isnt everyone else?!? I miss the sounds, the smells, the smog. The lizards chirping, the 'happy birthday' song, the durian stench, the smell of fish stock hanging in the air. All of these things that made me feel nausiated the first day I stepped foot outside in Ho Chi Minh are what I am craving. Mostly I miss the guineness and selflessness of the people. No fronts, no persona's to hide, no ego's to match. Pure, good hearted, soulful people. They were strangers and still welcomed me as if we were long lost friends reunited.
Obviously this wasnt a vacation for me. There are things that I have yet to discuss in my blogs, journals , etc that I studied, pondered and am still processing. I didnt just peek into another world's culture, I experienced it and lived it. I learned a little more about who Ashley is and who she shall become. I am scared, I am excited and I am blessed -- but I am torn. My heart feels broken. I still need time to process things and yet I have no more time. I am angry, humbled and tired.
Basically, I have no idea why I just vented and poured my guts out if only it was in my reaction to reverse culture shock. I had no idea how hard it truly would be for me. I am craving the company of those who experienced it with me and hardly anyone else. They know: they lived, breathed and experienced it a lot like I did. I dont hate my life here or the people around me. I just cant express the oddity that is my emotional rollercoaster. I am reading, researching, and planning my next trip. This is helping some, but I suppose this is something that just needs to be worked out over time.
So maybe I should clarify "better person." Maybe it doesnt quite register on the outside, but it does in my heart. Its so easy to want to shut the gate, but the road is long and wide open. Things that once mattered - trivial. Things that were of no concern - passion. What an experience? When does it end? Do I want it to end?
Peace ~ Ash
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